Nishi Selva

Today is my birthday, and it is only right that I share some things (big and small!) that I have learned in my 20’s. I want to share these with girls in their 20’s or those who aren’t here yet and want the tea, or women who have been there and done that to see if they agree.

1. No one knows what they are doing – Ask anyone who is successful, and they will say the same thing. Everyone is doing something for the first time. As someone who watches so many interviews with famous, successful people, they all seem to just follow what they think they should be doing, with no idea if it will work out.

2. Nothing will go to plan – When I was 16, I thought I was going to be married by 24, which was “the plan.” Life has a funny way of doing its own thing. Even if you have a structured plan and do everything in your power to get there, there will be so many twists and turns you didn’t expect. That’s life.

3. Making friends gets harder – I saw Mel Robbins talk about this recently. Before your 20’s, you do everything at the same point as everyone else, like school, university, etc., but in your 20’s, that changes. You have to make much more effort to make friends.

4. Don’t follow trends because you’ll look back and cringe – I thought I did a good job of avoiding this, but I can’t believe how thick my eyebrows were at one point.

5. No one is you; that is your power – This quote is currently in my Instagram bio because I want to remember this every day. The older you get, the more everything you do feels saturated. Knowing that by putting your own spin on it and using your own unique voice, you can stand out, is very important to remember.

6. People will come and go – I struggle with this the most because of what I’ve been through. I want everything to last forever. That is just not the case. As you get older, you get better at dealing with this too!

7. Failing forward is better than doing nothing at all – This is something I have learned recently, and it massively helps avoid the idea that everything has to be perfect. Sometimes you learn what doesn’t work for you, and sometimes…

8. Time is the universal currency that starts everything – Time is the first thing you have to give up to do anything, and it might be a while before you see a return on it.

9. Build your wardrobe around your lifestyle – As I have gotten older, I simply refused to carry on saying, “I have nothing to wear.” Sitting down and planning what I need has helped to make sure I have everything to create any outfit without relying on just going out and finding whatever I pick up.

10. It’s never too late to get on top of your finances – I am someone who used to check my bank account like once every two weeks, if that. Money has always caused so much anxiety. I’ve recently learned it doesn’t have to be that way. Knowing exactly what I have coming in and out prevents me from feeling stressed and can actually help me grow my finances quicker by simply having a plan.

11. Boys are actually overrated – As someone who was obsessed with boys when I was 18 to not caring much for them at 28… if they are not adding to your life and making it easier, they are not worth your time.

12. Sitting with your emotions is a skill you will have to learn – This one was hard, but once you learn emotions just flow, you learn to wait for them to pass.

13. Focus on your own lane and switch lanes if you need to – It is so easy to look at what other people are doing and compare, but always keep your focus on your road. If something isn’t working for you, don’t be scared to switch lanes and try something else. You are the driver of your life.

14. Your gift is probably the thing you get made fun of for – I have always been a deep person, and sometimes people love to bring you down. It took me ages to realise my way of thinking, being, and sharing was something people wish they had, and that’s why they made fun of me. Like I always say, no one who is making self-aware choices in their life was judging me. This is the thing that I feel sets me apart.

15. Trust your gut – I know it’s been said so many times before, but there is a reason for that. It’s because we always forget to trust that feeling we have in our stomach that tells us something isn’t right.

16. Let go or be dragged – Sometimes holding on to something will take you somewhere worse than where you started. These are the things to let go of as soon as possible.

17. You only need one or two items of your outfit to have a unique feature to stand out from the crowd – I feel like I needed to throw a fashion tip in here. This is my rule of thumb when styling an outfit. If you choose two parts of your outfit to have something unique about them (a bright colour, an interesting texture, something with 100 buckles, or a ribbon that matches your outfit), you can create a unique outfit quite easily and develop your personal style.

18. No one is coming to save you – This might be a little too “hustle culture” for this blog, but it is a harsh truth. This is something I always tell myself when I lose motivation.

19. What is important to others doesn’t have to be important to you – Don’t let what society and social media say is important convince you that it’s what you care about. It’s okay if you choose a different path and do your own thing.

20. It will all work out – A simple one to end on. Somehow, the thing I was stressing about two years ago worked out and probably wasn’t worth all the tears. Things work out. Everything that has got you this far in life worked out, and that is why you are here. So keep going!

I hope you enjoyed these tough lessons I’ve learned during my 28 years around the sun. Let me know what lessons you’ve learned in your 20’s below. If you enjoyed this post, I wrote a similar post 10 years ago, which you can read here. It’s crazy how far I have come, and we are still learning!

Nish x