Nishi Selva

This is a blog post I have been wanting to write for a long time, but I have been scared to. Partly because I am terrified of someone reading it and thinking, “Who do you think you are?” or “Maybe don’t share so much of your life online.” The truth is, you don’t have to do much for people to show jealousy towards you these days. Something I often ruminate on is, why do people feel this way towards me? I mind my own business, do things that make me happy, and, as grateful as I am, I don’t ever feel like I “have” things—I’m just going through life, and certain good things happen (but so do bad things!).

I feel like I am the perfect person to write this post because dealing with people being jealous of me is something I have experienced a lot. It’s something that is constantly on my mind because of what I’ve been through, and quite often, when I feel like this, writing about it makes me feel better. There is always someone else out there who can benefit from reading about it on the internet too.

As an empathetic person, I always try to understand why people are this way. I have learnt over time that, quite often, it isn’t things or achievements that people are most jealous of; it’s usually the way you carry yourself in situations and how you handle things that, deep down, they feel they wouldn’t have been able to handle so gracefully.

I truly believe jealousy is just a reflection of someone who feels they are lacking and is unable to look in the mirror.

So, how do you deal with people like this?

Firstly, if it’s someone in your personal life, I usually speak to them about it once. I have learnt from experience that if, after speaking to someone once, things don’t change or they can’t explain why they think it’s okay, at the very least, there isn’t much there for the relationship to continue.

Addressing this with people you care about can be so hard but so crucial for your own well-being.

Being around jealous people can be draining, making you feel like you have to dull your shine or figure out what you need to do to stop them treating you in a way that shows their jealousy.

I know the most common advice is to “ignore it,” but that is easier said than done! I envy anyone who can just ignore it and keep it moving.

One thing I know for sure is that I definitely need distance from people who show those traits. I don’t believe that someone who cares about you can also be someone who is jealous of you. As someone who cares about me, wouldn’t you surely want the best for me?

So yes, my top tip would be space.

When it comes to relationships, a man who hates to see you doing well is just someone I cannot be with (and I have had to learn that the hard way). I do believe a little bit of jealousy may be okay as long as you are open with your partner and can identify that it comes from your own feelings. Being in a relationship with someone who is jealous of your accomplishments, the attention you get, or the fact that other people fancy you, can be the thing that holds you back.

If I could give one takeaway from this post, it’s that if people are jealous of you, it’s because you possess traits they desire, and that has nothing to do with you. How someone feels about what they are lacking should never hold you back or make you feel like you have to accommodate them. You should also never feel like it’s okay for people to treat you badly because they are jealous of you.

I hope this helps someone feel better and know that it is common. I wish people were more open about it too, but I feel like admitting people are jealous of you is so taboo because it comes off as if you think you are “all that” when, in reality, the people who are jealous of you clearly do think you are “all that.”

If this is something you are dealing with, know you’re not alone, and I hope these tips help you get through it!

Love, Nishi x